That sounds like baby’s first pair of shoes or something. Can I get it bronzed?

Blankbaby has prompted me to find my first Amazon order. Mostly just because it amuses me to extend the meme chain of links.

According to Amazon’s order history, my first order was on November 23, 1998. It consisted of the following:

Some people in comments on other entries have suggested that this isn’t the oldest order. My boyfriend thought the same about his. Maybe they’re right, but I sure as heck couldn’t tell you by now.

Today is my 25th birthday. That’s a quarter of a century. Five squared. A pretty cool number, really. So I feel like I should have some insightful writing to mark the occasion.

But I’m just tired. And a little depressed. I don’t the energy to do much of anything in the little time that I have at home after work. And even less time by the time my boyfriend gets home. I’m either going to work, working, coming back from work, or hiding from my boyfriend’s family.

I don’t know what to do. Right now, I guess I’m going to bed.

I started playing The Sims a week or so ago. Haven’t had much time to devote to it yet, but I did have enough time to remember how annoying it is to get them to go to work and make them happy without depriving them of sleep. It always seems like it takes them so long to do things. Half an hour to pee? Come on! No wonder they don’t have enough time to do stuff at night.

Then I started my first full time job in quite a while today. Suddenly, I find myself wanting to shake my fists in the direction of the sky at the all-powerful being who left me so tired.

I felt pretty good this morning, considering the mild case of whiplash I got from the accident Friday night. (I forgot to mention how nice and convenient this was to have happened the weekend before I had to start a new job.) Unfortunately, I forgot to take ibuprofen today, so that feeling disappeared before lunch. I was struggling to pay attention to the training this afternoon when all I wanted to do was cry, I hurt so bad. Finally got back to the train station and then had to drive home with all the idiots on the road. People on River Road are so stupid. You want to pull out in front of me, at least finish the job and get your ass out of my lane.

A hot shower, herbal heat pack, bottle of water, and massive dose of ibuprofen later, I’m feeling a bit better. Got to remember to keep up with the ibuprofen so it maintains that level of effectiveness. Now, on to other things, in the one and a half hours I have to entertain myself before I have to sleep to do it all over again tomorrow.

My poor, misunderstood Sims.

So, I’m starting a new job in Boston on Monday. My boyfriend’s mother drove me to the train station today so I could get a monthly pass and so I’d know where it is. We got back to our house, and she was waiting to turn into our side street when some doofus couldn’t stop in time and slid into the back of our car. Got bounced around quite a bit; it was no light tap. The bumper is hanging off the right side of the car now. The bumper that was just fixed. We’re okay, although my neck hurts a little bit. Of course, my boyfriend’s mother blames this on me sitting in front of the computer too much. Whatever.

The dead are beyond us. They have passed on to what is, hopefully, a better place, but wherever they go, it is beyond our reach. The saddest part is those who remain; those who have holes in their lives left by the departed. The devoted husband, struck by tragedy at a time that should have been his greatest joy. An infant son, who will never again be held by his mother. The parents who have outlived their child. The students who miss a beloved teacher.

I attended the funeral service for a friend today. Not a close friend, but one of the kindest people I’ve known. I am honored that I could be there with my friends and her family to send her on her way. Life was too short for Katie, but I think she lived hers to the fullest potential that anyone could wish for.

I hate that time of night between shutting off the light and falling asleep. All too often, my thoughts come home to roost, free from the distractions of the day, to peck away at my mind. I lay in bed, tossing and turning, unable to get comfortable. Too hot, too cold, neck hurts, head hurts, knee hurts, wrist hurts. It’s always something. And so I find myself back here at the keyboard, trying to avoid the things that nag away.

“Something wicked this way comes.”

I’m feeling a generalized sense of dread lately. There’s nothing in particular that I’m worried about, although I do have a job interview on Thursday. I’m more happy about that than worried, and I don’t think that’s it anyway. I just feel wound tighter than a drum, and it’s all too easy for things to get under my skin.

I suppose there are plenty of things to worry about at that. The holidays are coming up, and I really want to go to my mother’s for Christmas. I’m hoping that the job I got at the mall will permit this. I don’t know what I’ll do if it doesn’t. Maybe I’ll get this tech support job, which would hopefully give me a little more leeway. I desperately need the money, but it’s very hard to be thinking about jobs at this time of year, when what one really wants is to spend time with family.

Perhaps writing this down will appease the storm of thoughts. I want to work on a redesign for the site, but I fear I’d never get any sleep that way, and I have too much to do tomorrow—errr, make that today—to get ready for my interview.

There were not many steps. I had counted them a thousand times, both going up and coming down, but the figure has gone from my mind. Memories are killing. So you must not think of certain things, of those that are dear to you, or rather you must think of them, for if you don’t there is the danger of finding them, in your mind, little by little. That is to say you must think of them for a while, a good while, everyday, several times a day, until they sink forever in the mud.

Samuel Beckett, The Expelled

This weekend, I attended a wedding ceremony for one of Ed’s friends from RPI. His family is evidently of Persian descent and the wedding was in the Zarathusti tradition. I have to say, I thought it was pretty cool. It was interesting to see how a different culture celebrates marriage. This was definitely unlike any wedding I’ve been to, which have all been of the Christian tradition.

The priest explained the various parts of the ceremony to use before it began. I thought this was kind of pointless, since it was all explained in the program, until I realized that we couldn’t really see or hear what they were doing up front. The real fun was at the reception, though. Boy, do these people know how to party. It reminded me of Monsoon Wedding. Lots of food, lots of music, lots of dancing. Even the song that was in Monsoon Wedding that some of the characters performed a dance to was played. Apparently, it’s sung by a famous Indian pop artist. They were still partying when we left.

Also at the wedding, I got to meet a bunch of Ed’s other friends from RPI. I had met a couple at the last wedding we went to. They’re a pretty fun group, and I’m glad I had the chance to meet them. We stopped at the home of two of his friends on the way home and had dinner with them before we returned to Andover. All in all, a very nice weekend.

Okay, so I’m not perfect. I’m a little lazy, I’m a little depressed, I’m having more than enough trouble looking for and finding a job because I’m an utter coward. However, I don’t see how any of these things make me responsible for magically knowing that there’s laundry in the dryer that I should be folding when I didn’t even put it in there. My boyfriend’s mother appears to think so. Or at least that’s how I heard it secondhand from Ed. It’s bad enough that I don’t know what people are talking about in this house 90 percent of the time, let alone when they’re actually talking about me.

I’m sorry I’ve been around the house too much. I’m sorry I haven’t found a job yet. I hate depending on people who aren’t my family. Hell, I hate depending on people who are my family. I just don’t know what to do about it right now, and I resent the implication that I should be psychic and know exactly what needs to be done.

To tell the truth, I’m a little afraid of Ed’s mother. She’s a perfectly nice woman, just a little intimidating, and my living with her son and not making very much money isn’t helping. I’m feeling a little cornered. I can’t find a job, and the only other thing I could do is move in with my parents, but that would mean moving far away from Ed again.

Well, now that I’ve gotten that at least partially out of my system, back to your normal programming. I hope that this at least made some sense, I’m a little too generally upset to be sure.