I got the response today. It ends the waiting, but it wasn’t the answer I was hoping for. Apparently, they wanted someone who “more closely meets [their] business needs,” whatever that means. They seemed to like me, too. Maybe it means I’m overqualified, but that doesn’t help much. The only thing I do feel qualified to do is tech support, and that’s what this was, though not the kind I’ve done before. I’m afraid that I don’t feel qualified for whatever other people think I sound qualified for. And if I don’t believe that myself, I can’t convince someone of it in an interview.

I had a good feeling about this interview. Which just goes to show that my intuition sucks. I’m upset because I really wanted this job. I know I shouldn’t be surprised. It’s the first real interview I’ve had since I’ve graduated, and one can’t expect to succeed that quickly. The thing is, job hunting stresses me out so much. I don’t know how I can keep it up, not that I’m doing much of anything to keep up with at the moment. I know, everyone thinks that I’m a big baby about this. That it’s hard for everyone, I should suck it up, it’ll get better, I just shouldn’t let it bother me so much. But it does bother me and it doesn’t get better. Everything about looking for a job stresses me out so much. Looking at the ads, wondering if I’m capable of the description, usually thinking that I’m not. Trying to write a cover letter when I can’t think of anything to put in it that would make someone want to hire me. Worrying that I’m not looking in the right places, that I should be sending letters to find those “unadvertised” positions. Interviews where they want me to tell them about things that happened in previous jobs, when I just can’t remember any of the details.

I’m a pretty decent employee when I’m in a job. People I’ve worked with seem to like me, and even respect me. So, you’re right. I am unreasonable. There’s no reason that I shouldn’t be able to function like this. Except that I can’t. I’m broken, and I don’t know how to fix it. I just don’t know.

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